Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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