Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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