WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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