Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
