I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
