also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
