dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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