Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is it penis luge time yet?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
