so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
...so i touched it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
