Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
