ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
