dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
