Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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