I just saw a hot homeless man
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
