got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
