It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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