she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the day after is always just damage control
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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