i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
