Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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