East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
