i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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