tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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