Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
