We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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