im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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