eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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