We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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