She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
