i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
