if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You may now shotgun with the bride
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
