I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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