She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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