Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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