Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
