Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
