well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
