I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
