i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
