you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
