my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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