Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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