Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize