he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Someone signed my nipple.
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