Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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