We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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