why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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