Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
