His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
