Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just blew my weed a kiss
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
