I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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