it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
