Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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