I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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