I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
