opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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