Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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