Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
