i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
