Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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