After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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