Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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