I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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