I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
