our cab driver is having phone sex.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
