there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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