If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
