What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I currently don't understand fingers.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
