I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
