opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Drunk is not a location!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
