god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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