he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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