I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You ruined the universe
Randomize
