pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
