i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
