Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
