You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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