Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
