If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
