now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
