All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
